Tree House for PM

"Oh that's pharkn soooriously ridiculous Dukie" I heard Princess Leah say to Dukie.

I was in the kitchen and through the windows onto the back deck I could hear they were having a heated discussion.

Next thing, without warning, Dukie jumped out of her hammock and grabbed the Princess in a headlock. I ran outside and pulled Dukie off Princess Leah and pulled them apart.

"I'll pharkn show you ridiculous jungle bikini, just you wait" Dukie screamed as I struggled to hold her back. Dukie's aviator helmet and glasses were all crooked on her head and made her hair look bad. Bad Hair Day is not a good look for Dukie.

I told them to settle down as Lamb and Honoruru would be home soon after a hard day in town and none of us needed aggressive behaviour in the Tree House. Apparently Dukie had suggested that we should put Lukie Skywalker up for Prime Minister at the next federal parliamentary elections.

I couldn't believe what they were arguing about. I had already been offered a job with the United Nations and I rejected it as it was too much and I certainly couldn't take on another job anywhere as I was too busy. The banks had another go at us today and I had that under control but all of my focus was on looking after Tree House Technologies.

I went to the fridge and got us a six pack of 4046 Squadron beer and we sat on the back deck waiting for the sunset. Dukie discussed the logic of her proposal and I suggested why it wouldn't work. Princess Leah had taken up my domestic duties in the Tree House. Camilla was supposed to do this but she had become more involved in the lesbian zoo operations and we couldn't expect much more of her. I couldn't become the Prime Minister of this vast land and expect everyone else to do my jobs. Princess Leah agreed.

Dukie was doing her best to support her initial suggestion when Princess Leah came up with a compromise position. "I know Dukie, lets get a job sharing thing happening" she said. It sounded a perfect solution to me. Dukie smiled.

"Princess this life is all about compromise and when we are faced with a problem we need to talk it through and not resort to violence and anger" she said. Princess Leah looked at me with incredulous surprise. It was Dukie after all that had The Princess in a headlock. I just smiled and let it go. You will win any argument if you don't care who takes the credit is my motto in business.

So we downed a few more 4064 Squadron beers and discussed how we'd do it. We didn't want to take on the Labor Party but we wanted to keep the bastards honest. Sounds alot like why Don Chipp started the Democrats. RIP Don Chipp.

I suggested we stick with The Princess' idea of sharing the top job. Everyone wants to be on top. Well not in our world but they let it go.

We would form a group of people that would be "The Tree House Party for Organised Chaos and Social Equality". The only thing Dukie and Princess Leah wanted was that it would be legal to go shopping in a Panster. We decided then they would share the Ministry of Transport. I also thought it would be best if they shared Ministry of Infrastructure as that would let them see the damage their ridiculous Pantser shopping proposal would do and they'd be directly accountable for it.

Lamb and Honoruru arrived home and we discussed our plan with them. Honoruru and Lamb were both worried about our work load. We were increasingly being asked to open statues, buildings, beer and milk bottles and envelopes. It was taking its toll on everyone. In addition, we were supporting so many of the business ventures of the natives with planning and advice.Princess Leah had taken on management of a local floriculture business in addition to all her usual horticulture, cropping for biodiesel, insecticide and food and Dukie was a race official at all of the V8 Supercar rounds across the country. Occasionally Dukie had to jump in and drive as well. We were flat out. Literally in the case of Dukie.

Duke explained how it would work as we would all have duties but the Prime Minister's role would alternate with our ministerial duties. We pulled out the Gannt chart and decided we could do it.

So we are starting a new political party. "The Tree House Party for Organised Chaos and Social Equality" is born.

Dukie and Princess Leah will be jointly Ministers for Transport and Infrastructure.

Lamb will be Minister for Defence.

Honoruru is "Minister for All Things Mathematical" which includes Finance, Treasury and beer production.

Lamb is "Minister for Defence".

Princess Leah will look after Agriculture as well and Dukie will help her with that with "Gluten Free Agriculture". Dr Camilla Dolittle will help with that as well with the animal production side.

I didn't really know what to do as I never do much anyway. Dukie suggested I should be "Minister for Technology and Communications" and I said yes but I'd delegate that to Adam Ant anyway. That is our big problem- I don't really do anything but delegate.

So Honoruru came up with "Minister for Delegating Jobs That Are Too Hard" for me. I agreed that I'd take that on.

In order to fill all of the positions we will have to invite new people.

We need to put out applications but I expect that Long Hop will be our "Minister for Sport". Rocky will be our "Minister for Immigration". Bella will be "Minister for Surveillance and Counter-Terrorism" although she is really pathetic at all of this.

Applications will be published in the "Viberator" and "Jungle Juice".

"Holy phark news travels fast" screamed Princess Leah. We are only discussing this just now and Dukie just got e-mails from both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama saying they'd come and join us if they could. Well things are so tight over there that maybe they are both wanting a backup job.

Bella was on the Telegraph Cucumber and a good friend of mine, "Blondie", wanted to support us. Blondie is a nurse and lectures on nursing and we decided then and there she could be "Minister for Health".

I can't keep up with everyone that wants to join the Tree House. Honoruru pitched in with the fact she had an e-mail today from the producers from "Boobwatch" in the US and they wanted to come and join us. Well if that is what happens it is fine.

We sat on the back deck and listened to "Bright Eyes" and his "Cassadaga" album. Who knows what is for dinner and I don't care.

Good one girls and see you soon,

Lukie S Walker.

XXXX

The Cricket Challenge

"Oh Pharkn Hell Lukie the Tree House Cricket Challenge is goin' off" said Lamb.

I hadn't realised what we had started but everyone wanted to be in on it. Many of my mates had said that my Lukie Skywalker hair made me look and bat like Michael Clarke and now everyone was out to try and take my wicket. Apparently Long Hop and a few others had me as the first scalp they wanted. I was at long odds for most people but Long Hop would prove a challenge.

I had a trick that would keep Long Hop off bowling bouncers or yorkers at me and I didn't mind using it. I would offer her my Billy Bragg collection and tell her if I got my century she could take it all or I'd copy it for her. I thought this type of bribery would work. There was no way Long Hop or anyone else was going to take my off stump.

I discussed this with Princess Leah and she didn't think it would work at all. Princess Leah suggested we get the AK-47 out and take Long Hop "out" if she wasn't prepared to comply with such requests. I didn't think this would work as Long Hop had played against the AK before and whilst she was wounded she still made it through. I told Princess I could refuse to stitch her up and that might work. Finally Princess Leah came up with the answer. If Long Hop didn't agree to play the game my way we'd get out the Pantser and blow her all the way to New Zealand. Then she could play for them and that would be enough punishment for her. We would go over and pick her up when we thought she had had enough. It would be worse than gaol.

So we had our answer and all I needed was to discuss this with Long Hop and see what she thought. The hard bit would be keeping this a secret from everyone else. Princess Leeah suggested we just let it out on the blog anyway as we could always deny it.

So here we have it. The Tree House Cricket Challenge is on this weekend. There is no way that I will be bribing Long Hop. I will win and if not Long Hop will be calling you all from New Zealand as that is where she wants to play. If I win and she has all of Billy Bragg on her ipod next week it is because she went to the music shop.

The orders for the weekend are everyone must bring their own meat and beer. The BBQ will be on at the Tree House from 1PM. Honoruru please bring a green salad without onions or chives or stuff. Lamb and Long Hop please bring couscous salad. Dukie and Baby make it gluten free bread or a rice salad. Princess Leah and I will be making potato salad. Everyone else who turns up must be bringing meat and beer and salad. I'll get a bucket of "4064 Tiramisu" for the afternoon.

Lukie Sky W

XXXX

Oh Phark not the "Ferals"

The Princess and I took off for a weekend. I was very tired and cranky and needed some time away. Work was pissing me of royally and I was sick of the jungle. I love it here but every now and then I need to see the ocean.

There is a tribe down south of the jungle called "The Ferals" that need looking after. They sort of worship me from afar like I'm a daughter and I had decided it was time to catch up with them.

Princess Leah and I packed our passports and beer vouchers and headed out for the weekend. "The Feral" elders picked us up from the aiport late on Thursday night. On Friday morning the elders took the boat out and went to find some crabs up in the far reaches of the estuary. This didn't worry us as Princess Leah had a job application to do and I needed some soorious chilling out.

After the elders returned home without anything to feed the tribe we went to the beach and then had a bit of a sleep in the afternoon. That night we went to the famous "Country Club" and got blotto.

This was relaxing until we went home and realised the elders were actually the most popular of many tribes down there. Several of the tribes were at the "Ferals" place and the night turned into something rivalling a Mardi Gras. The major difference from a real Mardi Gras is that the "Ferals" use cask wine as a stimulant. We knew that we'd need to go to bed early as the junior Ferals were arriving the next day and that would involve loads of bad fashion from the girls and spear fishing with the boy.

The junior Ferals arrived and we had kisses and hugs all around. They were delighted to see us and true to form the girls were really badly dressed and had even worse fashion on their heads in the form of sunglasses. They looked like they'd crawled out the car through the front and the windscreen had stuck to their faces.

Young "Feral Boy" wanted to go spear fishing and we took him to "The Point" where his dad had spent most summers of a very bad youth. Princess Leah accompanied the boy on the adventure and she came out looking very brown and very happy.

That night we visited a number of old haunts and all the Ferals got on the piss big time. A BBQ for dinner should have seen us in bed but we carried on for more liquid to the Country Club to see a band and run amok. Of course we ignored elders warnings that more beer was not necessary. You can't claim to be a real feral if you don't act like one.

The next day we all had terrible hangovers from the BBQ and we tried to take it easy. Feral Boy wanted to show Princess Leah "The Sanctuary" where fishing is prohibited. After an hour of watching this pair wander around chasing fish we headed home for a few kilograms of prawns and some more beer.After all the junior ferals left we chilled out for a few hours as was required after such feral madness.

Princess and I took to the camp stretchers early and woke this AM ready for a trip home to the jungle. After driving through all of "The Bay" we were dropped at the airport. We told the Feral elders that we would see them somewhere and sometime in this magical country that they travel endlessly through.

Princess and I arrived home to a wet and overcast jungle and I got straight back into work. It was amazing that Dukie and Lamb hadn't picked up the Tree House and taken it with them but it was still here. Princess did the dishes and cleaned the Tree House and picked some flowers she had been growing.

Thanks Princess,

Lukie Skywalker.


XXXX

Long Hop Joins The Tree House For A Few Rounds

"Holy pharkn cricket ball" screamed Dukie as she walked out onto the back deck of the Tree House.

Lamb, Princess Leah, Honoruru and I were playing cricket in the jungle below. A good friend of Lambs, "Long Hop", was over for the night and was teaching us some new bowling techniques. Long Hop was lethal with a cricket ball and could make it do all sorts of wild and dangerous things.

The "Tree House Cricket Challenge" was on in ten days time and we were going to play against a few tribes that inhabit various other parts of the jungle and we needed some practice.

The Vaginamites were expected to turn up on their camels and we'd probably make it a day of it with some camel racing fun as well.

Princess Leah raced upstairs and grabbed all of the Glad Wrap out of the cupboards. When she went downstairs Long Hop was laughing at her "What is going on Princess?".

Lamb explained that as she had been going through a rough trot with her batting the girls had helped her back into form with the Glad Wrap and the AK-47.

Princess Leah grabbed the AK and let spray with a quick hundred rounds. Lamb collected them all in the Glad Wrap except for one that was embedded in her neck. It was clear Lamb was going down like a bag of camel shit and Long Hop grabbed her and gave her quick rescuscitation whilst I removed the bullet and threw twenty stitches into her neck.

As Lamb got up she was madder than ever. "Righteo Princess, bring it on. Make it pharkn sooorious this time" she screamed. Lamb grabbed a new roll of Glad Wrap and Princess drilled 300 rounds into her. Lamb is a fast learner and there were no wounds this time.

Long Hop was pretty worried about our training regime but I encouraged her to have a go. She jumped in with a helmet. "Pharkn pussy" screamed Honororu who by this stage was off her tits on Scotch and playing as wicketkeeper. I was thinking Honoruru should stop these antics with drinking behind the stumps and taking the piss out of the batter as if they let a few go to the 'keeper we would need an ambulance and not my Doctor's skills to fix her. She had no protection at all.

Long Hop jumped to the crease and took 400 rounds from Princess Leah. She went reasonably well although she had one open wound on her right arm and you could see the bone in her right foot where a few bullets had taken up home. I told Princess Leah it was unreasonable to be bowling 'yorkers' at new friends of the Tree House. I grabbed the sewing kit and Honoruru shoved half a bottle of scotch down Long Hop's neck. Anaesthetic is never far away at the Tree House. All was well after twenty minutes of frantic sewing.

We agreed that it was getting too dark and dangerous as we didn't have the lights on and the necessary white bullets in the AK and we should retire for the night. I cooked a big dinner of pork and various salads and we listened to "The Frames- Setlist Live in Dublin". The wounded retired early and the rest of us stayed up for a few drinks.

See you at the Tree House Cricket Challenge on 16th March.

Lukie

XXXXX

How to Pants a Gay Man

Honoruru and I woke before sunrise as planned. We looked over and the others were in their hammocks. They looked like they wouldn't wake for a while and we were happy with that.

Honoruru and I were busy getting ready and we sat in the kitchen having a quick coffee talking about what we thought we'd need to do. After we had our thoughts together we went downstairs and jumped into Honoruru's car. We certainly wouldnt get their fast as it was lucky to have enough power to keep the lights on full beam but we puttered along and continued our chat.

After half an hour of going nowhere we heard a massive rumble in the jungle. We thought that was just the city waking up and kept going.

Honoruru parked at the back of the lighthouse and we walked through 1km of jungle and up the steps. We had built the Lighthouse a few years ago for all the villagers to have a point of reference towards town if a natural disaster ever occurred so we knew the design well. We took some back stairs and an underground entrance that only we had a key too and ended up at the top.

When we looked down, Finn and Fanny Freckle were below us in their pink skirts. They would have no idea how we got there but a standard part of 4064 training is a course called "Construction of Lighthouses to Maximise Chance of Ambush of Gay Boys- 101." We had clearly passed the last course.

"Your make-up is pharkn astounding Finn" screamed Honoruru. They looked up surprised and knew straight away we had their measure.

"You girls came without Dukie and Princess and that is a start" called back Finn.

We could have taken them then but we walked down and had kisses and hugs and sat down with some of Bella's lattes they had with them.

"So Finn and Fanny, we respect and appreciate the fact you would like to talk this through and Lukie and I are here to make amends. We do apologise for the way we behaved as a team the other night at the Parallel Universe" said Honoruru.

I loved the way that Honoruru was taking this over.

Finn was upset at the way that the Freckles were the most respected,toughest outlawed gay tribe in the Republic of Queensland and we had overcome with such ease and in public. I didn't like the way they had thought to corner one of us and I made clear they shouldn't have expected any less.

Fanny said many of the boys were still at home with ringing in their ears after the grenade attack. I didn't really care about that as anyone who has a Tree Houser in a headlock needs to be punished and will be.

It was starting to get into a tit for tat thing and Honoruru pulled it up with "well we are here to negotiate and it sounds like we have both done each others tribe wrong. How can we get away from here as sisters, Finny and Fanny and Lukie".

I was happy to leave it as it was. Let's walk away and forget it. Finn wanted more.

"We have to win the Australian Ballroom Dancing Championships this year wuwu" he started. Everyone in town called Honoruru "wuwu" for short. "And the thing we want more than ever is to be able to practice on the well oiled, hardwood dancefloor you have at the Tree House" he said.

Honoruru and I had spoken about this and winked at each other. We had their measure.

"That will be fine Finny as long as you sign a deed of release saying we owe you no more than that. You can come in by rickshaw blindfolded four times a week. You can use our showers and we'll give you the grog from the Labia for fun. We will also let you use our sewing machines for outfits" she continued. Finn was happy.

Honoruru was talking as I watched the sunrise and then heard a massive thump. Something was going on downstairs and I knew it was the Tree Housers on the loose. Just as we had organised an amicable arrangement they were going to phark it up.

Lamb was first to arrive with an AK-47. "Move away Lukie and Honoruru" she said.

"Right you Freckles you can not hold us to ransom" she said. "The girls are downstairs in the Pantser and this will be ugly".

Just then an explosion went off and we all fell to the floor. We looked out the lighthouse and Dukie had let a missile go from the Pantser. There were pink skirts, blonde wigs,silver boob tubes everywhere and naked hairy butts on fire. The Freckles had their tribe hiding and our girls had found them and blown their "uniforms" off.

Lamb stayed still and firm and she said "Let our women go and I will save your lives".

Honoruru jumped up and said "let them be, Lamb, as we have negotiated something here". Lamb held them steady whilst Honoruru and I finalised the deed of release.

Finn signed it on behalf of the Freckle sisters. Then we left the Finn and Fanny at the top and we ran down the bottom with the contract. Honoruru was happy and so was I.

As we got to the bottom Dukie had the Pantser pointed at the lighthouse with a heap of naked men lined up.

"Let 'em go Dukie" I shouted. Finn and Fanny had followed us down to the bottom. I turned to Finn. I said "we have an agreement Finn and if you try anything we will not be so nice next time".

"Now take your skirts off Finn and Fanny" I said. If you don't, Lamb will blow them off for you. At that time Lamb lifted the AK and let a few rounds off. The girls gave me their skirts. At that time I knew exactly what we'd do to try and get our pair of uncontrollables under control.

"Now, Princess Leah and Dukie get out of the Pantser please" I continued. They came out and stood in front of us. Now I asked them to put the gorgeous little pink skirts on, the wigs, the lovely sequin boob tubes and their high heels. I put Cher's "If I could turn back time" on in the Pantser to make sure everyone could hear us from miles around. I drove the Pantser home with that pair on the top and all of the villagers came out to have a look. This will be the talk of the jungle for months to come and should keep Dukie and Princess Leah thinking about whether it's worth being naughty for a while.

Yes we are a great and mighty tribe of jungle warriors.

Goodnight Girls,

Lukie

XXXXX

Meet at the Lighthouse. Tomorrow at Sunrise.

"Hello Bella" said Princess Leah as she answered the Telegraph Cucumber.

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Well Bella there are lots of people who don't like the way we have fun but the most important thing is that overall we do good things and dont hurt people" I could hear her saying.

There was a long pause on our end and then Princess started again "Yeah, Yeah. Holy phark Bella if this is an ambush then we won't be happy." By now everyone was sitting around listening as Princess was standing up and getting quite agitated. "Yeah well she is here right now and hang up and I'll discuss it with her and then call us back in 10" Princess said as she hung up.

"The Freckles are well pissed off and have threatened to start a soorious war against us if we don't give them some access to the Tree House and our toys" said Princess.

It appeared they wanted me to go in and meet them somewhere and apologise for the Parallel Universe incident and then negotiate some outcome that involved them being able to play in our sandpit. I agreed that I'd get in the car and go in. The girls were less enthusiastic about me being alone and Honoruru said she wanted to come inside and negotiate with me as she thought she knew what they were after. I didn't question her or have time to talk about it. I knew Honoruru and I had the same philosophy when it came to negotiation and we'd probably work well together.

Lamb, Dukie, Rocky and now Camilla said they would provide me with cover. I quickly told Princess Leah to tell Bella that we'd meet at the Lighthouse on the left hand side of the Ten Ways. Finn Freckle could bring one of his girls and I'd have one of mine and just as I was finishing telling her that the Telegraph Cucumber rang.

"Bella, it is the Princess again. These are the orders. Lukie will be at the Ten Ways with Honoruru. We suggest tomorrow at sun up. Finn is allowed to have one other girl with him. The meeting will be in the Lighthouse on the Eastern side, on the outside of the jungle side side. You know where I am talking about Bella".

Bella obviously knew where Princess was talking about and promised to pass the message on to the Freckles. Bella also said she'd send out some of her famous banana cake and a few lattes for the ladies.

Dukie, Princess Leah, Lamb and Camilla started running downstairs. I had no idea what they were up too but I had no doubt it would be preparing for tomorrow at sunrise.

Honororu said she thought they wanted to use our Ballroom downstairs. I couldn't believe it nut she had heard on the grapevine that the Freckles were trying to win the Australian Ballroom Dancing Championships. They wanted to keep all of their moves under wraps and they needed to practice in quiet.

I thanked Honoruru for her information and told her that we'd keep that up our sleeves.

Meanwhile, Lamb came running up the stairs and screamed "we will be out for a few hours and go to bed without us girls".

I looked at Honororu as she said " we will be taking the Vintage Car tomorrow so leave it at home".

I heard them all jumping into the Batmobile. Of course they'd take the fastest machine we have. Lamb had her AK-47 and was sitting in the passenger seat with Camilla on her knee.Dukie drove and Princess Leah was surfing on the bonnet as they took off.

I looked at Honoruru and we both knew we'd be safe as they'd cover us. If we weren't safe it would be funny at least.

Goodnight girls and be safe wherever you are tonight.

Lukie S

XXXXXXXXXX

Happy Mardi Gras

"Holy Pharkn Luke Skywalker" screamed Dukie as I emerged from the Labia running like a mad woman.

"Get down everyone- she's gonna blow" I yelled in a mad panic as I hit the jungle floor in my white labia coat.

Everyone rolled out of their hammocks and jumped into the brace position.

Princess Leah had been at a Workplace Health and Safety course and had taught everyone the brace position and what do in an emergency. I raced upstairs to see if the "emergency drill" was working. It sort of had worked. Everyone had hold of their breastacles and their beers.

"That is not quite right and you have all failed the test" I said. Princess Leah and Dukie did that fall over and laugh thing and Honoruru and Lamb were having their own fun. "Stop it, you pair" I screamed.

They all sat up and looked at me. "That was a test only and I was seeing how well you had adsorbed the knowledge Princess Leah has been passing on" I said.

I was starting to brew some more potent Gin in the Labia, the Tree House was full of powerful servers and technology and electronic stuff. In the case that something went wrong we had to be prepared. Clearly we weren't. I decided that I'd spring another surprise on them next week.

"It's Mardi Gras Saturday night and we are all bored" said Honoruru. We had had a big week and we were all busted so going out wasn't an option. I told them I didnt have any ideas but I was filthy and wanted to have a relaxing bath and I'd be up for anything they suggested when I got out.

I jumped into a big relaxing bath and soaked the worries away. We had some big weeks with the Tree House Technologies and we were almost out of debt with the trading company. That left alot of debt still, but with the main trading company completely out of the banks reach I could relax. It was testament to the work we were doing that we were flourishing on cash only accounts with no overdraft. It also looked like we would out of the hassle of having to sell real estate to cover unsecured debt as it would all be secured. WOO HOO!!

As I laid back in the bath I could hear all sorts of carry on in the Tree House. Honoruru had out some extra potent scotch I had brewed for her and Lamb was on the Chambord. Princess Leah and Dukie were organising the crew from the sound of it.

I opened the bathroom door to a fairly wild sight. Everyone was dressed as cartoon charatcers and were dancing on the back deck to Powderfinger. Holy Pharkn shit I thought.

I couldn"t tell who was who from looking at them but the voices were a giveaway. "Lets had into town in and cause some mad havoc" said Princess Leah dressed as Robin. Lamb was Minnie Mouse and Honoruru was Mickey. Rocky had turned up and she was "Wonder Woman" complete with silver knee high boots. Dukie was dressed as Batman "And then let's come home afterwards and root like rabbits" she said. They fell on the ground and laughed. Lamb and Honoruru were in "the fall on the ground and laugh" exercise by now as well. I didn't know what the rabbit thing was all about until Princess pulled out my Easter Bunny suit.

It wasn't Easter but hot cross buns and easter eggs were on sale in town. I also got the feeling the girls were taking the piss out of me big time as their "bunny".

It is dress up time for Sydney Mardi Gras and we might as well have fun. Even though we are 1000 km away in Brisvegas.

So we went out to the back deck and had a few more bevvies. Dukie didn't drink as she had agreed to drive. I didnt know where we were driving or what as I thought we were staying home. I agreed to myself not to ask.

The next thing Princess Leah and Dukie disappeared downstairs and told us to all wait for them to get ready.

We had a few more beers and then we heard some ferocious engine noise downstairs. A very loud horn went off and Lamb screamed "to the pole, dancers" as they all laughed madly. They obviously knew what was going on.

I just followed everyone running and inside to the Tree House "Formal Dining Room" where the girls had installed a big brass pole that we could slide down. One by one we slid down and Dukie and Princess Leah were sitting inside the "Batmobile".

"We found it on eBay" screamed Dukie. Honoruru had worked out the finance arrangements and paid for it. Apparently Dukie and Princess Leah had put a new rocket engine in it. Lamb had found the pole at one of the Brisvegas Pole Dancing Clubs and her and Rocky had broken in and stolen it. The Vaginamites had helped them get it home on one of their camel trucks.

"Jump in and let's ride" Dukie screamed. Dukie was the driver and Princess Leah was in the passenger seat with a 6-pack of Corona. "We've got the lemons if you lot get in" she screamed with laughter. We could hardly fit but we sat with our legs inside and our backsides on the "boot" and Princess Leah put the Dixie Chicks on the CD player at full volume.

"Pharkn hang on you pair" screamed Lamb, " I need to get my gun". Lamb raced inside and grabbed the AK-47. Excellent, I thought, Minnie Mouse has an AK-47 and we will be so incognito.

Dukie had the Batmobile sideways all the way into town. Being an old Queenslander the "Parallel Universe" had wide open verandahs and Dukie didn't bother to park but drove straight in. The place was going off and we jumped out to mad hysteria. Everyone knew who we were and straight away there were hugs and kisses.

We went into the bar and started drinking. After an hour or so Lamb came up and said "The Freckles are here and we need to keep ourselves low key". I looked at Lamb and could not believe what she had said. We were dressed as cartoon characters and we were never going to be low key. The Freckles are a tribe of gay guys that want to come and live downstairs at the Tree House. They continually ask us if they can join the Tree Housers and have said they'd resort to a hostile take-over if we didn't let them come and live with us.

After a while I looked over and Finn Freckle and Speckled Date, the two leaders of the Freckles, had Mickey Mouse, or Honoruru, in a headlock. Fanny Freckle was watching on and I knew the others would be somewhere. Honoruru was doing her best but she needed help. Rocky raced in and gave Finn Freckle a right hook and he fell to the ground. "Speckles" looked across just as Lamb went in with the butt of the AK-47 and knocked him sideways. Honororu jumped up just as there was a massive explosion in the Inferno Bar that knocked us all over.

Princess Leah came running out with a grenade in her right hand and grabbed all of us. "Get in the pharkn Batmobile" she screamed.

We all ran without knowing what was going on. Next thing Duke made it to the drivers seat and started the Batmobile. We took off as about ten men with pink skirts around their necks came running out after us. Princess threw her remaining grenade and we were off.

We made it to the Ten Ways and then back to the Tree House with everyone still in one piece. It turned out that Princess Leah was in the ladies bathroom whilst the Freckles were in there getting dressed and putting their make-up on. They were talking and saying how they were going to take out the 4064 Squadron and take-over the Tree House. Princess Leah was in the toilet and heard them. She walked casually out and then when she was just outside the Ladies threw a grenade at the door. She still had one grenade left from the "Twins" as she called her grenade set and kept it in her right hand in case she needed to throw another one. At the same time Dukie was in on the act and she had let off fire extinguisers in the Inferno Bar so the Freckles couldn't see as they chased us out.

We would now have to be careful as the Freckles were bitchier than a bunch of lesbians with PMT and they were after us.

We sat back and laughed at yet another night for the 4064 Squadron that would be the talk of the town.

The Telegraph Cucumber started ringing and I answered it with "Yes Bella".

"Just tell me Lukie, the Freckles want to know if Dukie was acting with Princess Leah as they are really pissed off and want to get them together". I laughed and said "Bella, Princess Leah in trouble without Dukie would be like bacon without eggs".

Goodnight girls and love you all,

Lukie.

XXXX