Long Hop Joins The Tree House For A Few Rounds

"Holy pharkn cricket ball" screamed Dukie as she walked out onto the back deck of the Tree House.

Lamb, Princess Leah, Honoruru and I were playing cricket in the jungle below. A good friend of Lambs, "Long Hop", was over for the night and was teaching us some new bowling techniques. Long Hop was lethal with a cricket ball and could make it do all sorts of wild and dangerous things.

The "Tree House Cricket Challenge" was on in ten days time and we were going to play against a few tribes that inhabit various other parts of the jungle and we needed some practice.

The Vaginamites were expected to turn up on their camels and we'd probably make it a day of it with some camel racing fun as well.

Princess Leah raced upstairs and grabbed all of the Glad Wrap out of the cupboards. When she went downstairs Long Hop was laughing at her "What is going on Princess?".

Lamb explained that as she had been going through a rough trot with her batting the girls had helped her back into form with the Glad Wrap and the AK-47.

Princess Leah grabbed the AK and let spray with a quick hundred rounds. Lamb collected them all in the Glad Wrap except for one that was embedded in her neck. It was clear Lamb was going down like a bag of camel shit and Long Hop grabbed her and gave her quick rescuscitation whilst I removed the bullet and threw twenty stitches into her neck.

As Lamb got up she was madder than ever. "Righteo Princess, bring it on. Make it pharkn sooorious this time" she screamed. Lamb grabbed a new roll of Glad Wrap and Princess drilled 300 rounds into her. Lamb is a fast learner and there were no wounds this time.

Long Hop was pretty worried about our training regime but I encouraged her to have a go. She jumped in with a helmet. "Pharkn pussy" screamed Honororu who by this stage was off her tits on Scotch and playing as wicketkeeper. I was thinking Honoruru should stop these antics with drinking behind the stumps and taking the piss out of the batter as if they let a few go to the 'keeper we would need an ambulance and not my Doctor's skills to fix her. She had no protection at all.

Long Hop jumped to the crease and took 400 rounds from Princess Leah. She went reasonably well although she had one open wound on her right arm and you could see the bone in her right foot where a few bullets had taken up home. I told Princess Leah it was unreasonable to be bowling 'yorkers' at new friends of the Tree House. I grabbed the sewing kit and Honoruru shoved half a bottle of scotch down Long Hop's neck. Anaesthetic is never far away at the Tree House. All was well after twenty minutes of frantic sewing.

We agreed that it was getting too dark and dangerous as we didn't have the lights on and the necessary white bullets in the AK and we should retire for the night. I cooked a big dinner of pork and various salads and we listened to "The Frames- Setlist Live in Dublin". The wounded retired early and the rest of us stayed up for a few drinks.

See you at the Tree House Cricket Challenge on 16th March.

Lukie

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