Happy Mardi Gras

"Holy Pharkn Luke Skywalker" screamed Dukie as I emerged from the Labia running like a mad woman.

"Get down everyone- she's gonna blow" I yelled in a mad panic as I hit the jungle floor in my white labia coat.

Everyone rolled out of their hammocks and jumped into the brace position.

Princess Leah had been at a Workplace Health and Safety course and had taught everyone the brace position and what do in an emergency. I raced upstairs to see if the "emergency drill" was working. It sort of had worked. Everyone had hold of their breastacles and their beers.

"That is not quite right and you have all failed the test" I said. Princess Leah and Dukie did that fall over and laugh thing and Honoruru and Lamb were having their own fun. "Stop it, you pair" I screamed.

They all sat up and looked at me. "That was a test only and I was seeing how well you had adsorbed the knowledge Princess Leah has been passing on" I said.

I was starting to brew some more potent Gin in the Labia, the Tree House was full of powerful servers and technology and electronic stuff. In the case that something went wrong we had to be prepared. Clearly we weren't. I decided that I'd spring another surprise on them next week.

"It's Mardi Gras Saturday night and we are all bored" said Honoruru. We had had a big week and we were all busted so going out wasn't an option. I told them I didnt have any ideas but I was filthy and wanted to have a relaxing bath and I'd be up for anything they suggested when I got out.

I jumped into a big relaxing bath and soaked the worries away. We had some big weeks with the Tree House Technologies and we were almost out of debt with the trading company. That left alot of debt still, but with the main trading company completely out of the banks reach I could relax. It was testament to the work we were doing that we were flourishing on cash only accounts with no overdraft. It also looked like we would out of the hassle of having to sell real estate to cover unsecured debt as it would all be secured. WOO HOO!!

As I laid back in the bath I could hear all sorts of carry on in the Tree House. Honoruru had out some extra potent scotch I had brewed for her and Lamb was on the Chambord. Princess Leah and Dukie were organising the crew from the sound of it.

I opened the bathroom door to a fairly wild sight. Everyone was dressed as cartoon charatcers and were dancing on the back deck to Powderfinger. Holy Pharkn shit I thought.

I couldn"t tell who was who from looking at them but the voices were a giveaway. "Lets had into town in and cause some mad havoc" said Princess Leah dressed as Robin. Lamb was Minnie Mouse and Honoruru was Mickey. Rocky had turned up and she was "Wonder Woman" complete with silver knee high boots. Dukie was dressed as Batman "And then let's come home afterwards and root like rabbits" she said. They fell on the ground and laughed. Lamb and Honoruru were in "the fall on the ground and laugh" exercise by now as well. I didn't know what the rabbit thing was all about until Princess pulled out my Easter Bunny suit.

It wasn't Easter but hot cross buns and easter eggs were on sale in town. I also got the feeling the girls were taking the piss out of me big time as their "bunny".

It is dress up time for Sydney Mardi Gras and we might as well have fun. Even though we are 1000 km away in Brisvegas.

So we went out to the back deck and had a few more bevvies. Dukie didn't drink as she had agreed to drive. I didnt know where we were driving or what as I thought we were staying home. I agreed to myself not to ask.

The next thing Princess Leah and Dukie disappeared downstairs and told us to all wait for them to get ready.

We had a few more beers and then we heard some ferocious engine noise downstairs. A very loud horn went off and Lamb screamed "to the pole, dancers" as they all laughed madly. They obviously knew what was going on.

I just followed everyone running and inside to the Tree House "Formal Dining Room" where the girls had installed a big brass pole that we could slide down. One by one we slid down and Dukie and Princess Leah were sitting inside the "Batmobile".

"We found it on eBay" screamed Dukie. Honoruru had worked out the finance arrangements and paid for it. Apparently Dukie and Princess Leah had put a new rocket engine in it. Lamb had found the pole at one of the Brisvegas Pole Dancing Clubs and her and Rocky had broken in and stolen it. The Vaginamites had helped them get it home on one of their camel trucks.

"Jump in and let's ride" Dukie screamed. Dukie was the driver and Princess Leah was in the passenger seat with a 6-pack of Corona. "We've got the lemons if you lot get in" she screamed with laughter. We could hardly fit but we sat with our legs inside and our backsides on the "boot" and Princess Leah put the Dixie Chicks on the CD player at full volume.

"Pharkn hang on you pair" screamed Lamb, " I need to get my gun". Lamb raced inside and grabbed the AK-47. Excellent, I thought, Minnie Mouse has an AK-47 and we will be so incognito.

Dukie had the Batmobile sideways all the way into town. Being an old Queenslander the "Parallel Universe" had wide open verandahs and Dukie didn't bother to park but drove straight in. The place was going off and we jumped out to mad hysteria. Everyone knew who we were and straight away there were hugs and kisses.

We went into the bar and started drinking. After an hour or so Lamb came up and said "The Freckles are here and we need to keep ourselves low key". I looked at Lamb and could not believe what she had said. We were dressed as cartoon characters and we were never going to be low key. The Freckles are a tribe of gay guys that want to come and live downstairs at the Tree House. They continually ask us if they can join the Tree Housers and have said they'd resort to a hostile take-over if we didn't let them come and live with us.

After a while I looked over and Finn Freckle and Speckled Date, the two leaders of the Freckles, had Mickey Mouse, or Honoruru, in a headlock. Fanny Freckle was watching on and I knew the others would be somewhere. Honoruru was doing her best but she needed help. Rocky raced in and gave Finn Freckle a right hook and he fell to the ground. "Speckles" looked across just as Lamb went in with the butt of the AK-47 and knocked him sideways. Honororu jumped up just as there was a massive explosion in the Inferno Bar that knocked us all over.

Princess Leah came running out with a grenade in her right hand and grabbed all of us. "Get in the pharkn Batmobile" she screamed.

We all ran without knowing what was going on. Next thing Duke made it to the drivers seat and started the Batmobile. We took off as about ten men with pink skirts around their necks came running out after us. Princess threw her remaining grenade and we were off.

We made it to the Ten Ways and then back to the Tree House with everyone still in one piece. It turned out that Princess Leah was in the ladies bathroom whilst the Freckles were in there getting dressed and putting their make-up on. They were talking and saying how they were going to take out the 4064 Squadron and take-over the Tree House. Princess Leah was in the toilet and heard them. She walked casually out and then when she was just outside the Ladies threw a grenade at the door. She still had one grenade left from the "Twins" as she called her grenade set and kept it in her right hand in case she needed to throw another one. At the same time Dukie was in on the act and she had let off fire extinguisers in the Inferno Bar so the Freckles couldn't see as they chased us out.

We would now have to be careful as the Freckles were bitchier than a bunch of lesbians with PMT and they were after us.

We sat back and laughed at yet another night for the 4064 Squadron that would be the talk of the town.

The Telegraph Cucumber started ringing and I answered it with "Yes Bella".

"Just tell me Lukie, the Freckles want to know if Dukie was acting with Princess Leah as they are really pissed off and want to get them together". I laughed and said "Bella, Princess Leah in trouble without Dukie would be like bacon without eggs".

Goodnight girls and love you all,

Lukie.

XXXX