I've Pharkn Had Enough!!

"Finally, enough is pharkn enough" I screamed as I'd had one more call from Bella. I put down the Telegraph Cucumber and screamed at everyone that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I had been pushed too far. I had never been so angry or so determined. With the possible sale of Tree House Technologies the banks and others had decided that they would spoil our fun at five minutes to midnight.

This didn't really worry me as we had it under control with sooorious cash flow allowing us to pay back a 10 year loan over 6 months, but the harrassment was obscene. How much could a koala bear? Hang on I've used that in a post before so it will get better and more original.

I spoke to Adam Ant and we had it all under control with the money.

I decided I wasn't happy and I was going to make a statement. I didn't know how. I was good at writing scientific papers, media releases and marketing spiels but aggression and violence are two things I worked on endlessly until they become non-existent in my list of character flaws. Mind you the list of character flaws is still very very long.

I spoke to Princess Leah and Dukie and told them what I was so upset and angry about. After they had consoled me I went away and calmed down by myself. I got to thinking that we had it all under control and it really wasn't a worry. The end result of my thoughts was that this pain needs to be ended. Not in 2 or 3 months, but now. I will never have a business as successful as Tree House Technologies and its people vulnerable to a bank who don't realise providing bad loans to international companies for a short term profit is not good. For pharks sake, one of our banks had a $200M loan to a morally bankrupt and now illegal short seller of stocks. They also support deforestation and biodiversity extinction on a massive scale. What was I thinking?

I walked back into the Tree House to tell everyone I was on a mission to get stuck into work. The problem was no-one was home. The Tree House was eeerily quiet. I didn't like it.

Then I heard some massive noise coming out of the jungle and I knew they were up to something. I looked out and here was Dukie driving a massive crane up the road. Princess Leah, Honoruru, Lamb and Long Hop were on the front. They must have had a stereo in it as Powderfinger "Like A Dog" was playing.

Like A Dog lyrics

In all that he takes in all that he shows
The higher the stakes the lower the blows
And all the mistakes that he's never known
Whatever it takes he'll be stealing the show

Now he nervously shakes as we rattle his stage
But he's happy to be stuck back in his halcyon days
Now we're trying hard to reconcile a history of shame
But he reinforced the barriers that keep it the same

If you treat me like a dog
And keep me locked in a cage
I'm not relaxed or comfortable
I'm aggravation and shame
But it's a fine fine time for the people in the lucky land

If you treat me like a dog
And keep me locked in a cage
I'm not relaxed or comfortable
I'm aggravation and rage

Long Hop jumped off the front off the crane first and held her cricket bat in the air. "If they are gonna treat you like a dog Lukie, we are gonna show them some metal". I almost laughed but knew this was soorious. Dukie knew where she could get a massive crane and wrecking ball and the girls were intent on taking some uninsurable action. This was not going to approved by the EPA or the Department of Transport and any O,H and S laws were going to be soooriously breached tonight.

I quickly ran down the back and grabbed a heap of beers, gin, scotch and Chambord. I ran upstairs thinking if I could get them all pissed they would fall asleep and this idea would fade.

After a few thousand drinks Princess Leah looked at Dukie and they smiled knowingly. Long Hop and Lamb jumped up and ran to the shower. " We go first" they screamed as the others started to get their warpaint sorted. Oh holy phark what is going on. "Tonight is Scarlet and we are off" yelled Honoruru into her scotch.

Everyone got ready and we took off. For some reason that was immediately beyond me they wanted to drive the crane. Long Hop took over the stereo and she put on Billy Bragg's "Sexuality" followed "The Power of a Union" and then "Thatcherites". Long Hop and I share a love of Billy and I thought she was trying to make me feel good by playing my music. It didn't occur to me until later she was making a statement about the banks and capitalism and what was to come. Dukie parked the crane on the footpath on the corner of Leichhardt St in front of Scarlet.

Scarlet went off and we all got plastered. After a few hours of "Peaches", "Ani Difranco" and a few homespun DJ tunes Scarlet was closing. We had all had another 32,000 drinks. We walked out to the front of Leichhardt St to get into the crane. I was surprised as the crane was still there despite Scarlet being beside the Australian Federal Police. Had they not been curious as to what a crane and wrecking ball were doing parked on the footpath in downtown Brisbane?

We jumped in after getting a "Kebab with Salmonella Sauce" and started heading home. I was fully pissed and enjoying Dukie's driving when she started heading down Little Edward St. I screamed that this was not right but looked at all the girls laughing. Long Hop was standing on the front of the crane with her bat in the air screaming out a vicous roar. Lamb was half way up the crane with her AK letting rip and creating her own fireworks. I looked behind us and every lesbian in Brisbane was running behind us with the famous "Tree House Lesbian Molotov Cocktail" (Vodka Cruiser with a lit cigarette in the neck of the bottle) in her hand.

Oh Phark. Princess Leah had put Neil Young's "Rockin in the Free World" on the stereo. We were headed for the bank at quick speed and there was nothing I could do.

In an instant we had knocked the banks lovely neon sign over and taken out the top 3 floors. I looked down to see Chyna Rhino with a 2-way radio guiding Dukie. She knew where our records where due to her IT hacking skills. The moment the building crumbled the girls let go with the molotov cocktails to burn the records that were scattered and we were out of there. Princess and Long Hop leaned over and grabbed Chyna and pulled her up onto the crane. Chyna complained that she wanted a kebab but we threw her another beer and she was happy. Back up Little Edward and into the jungle. As we went past the "Ten Ways" we could hear the sirens from the police. I could see the ice cream van, the postie, the limousine, Priscilla Bus, the vintage car, the rollercoaaster and the VW all leap into action and start causing confusion around the "Ten Ways". Music from Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, R.E.M, James Brown,Billy Bragg, Wilco, Powderfinger, Kylie Minogue and Martha Wainwright was pumping out from the various cars just to add to the confusion.The local villagers were driving the vehicles. Dukie had lowered the crane and we hid it in the bush where the locals had built a cave for us.

We got out and hid for 20 minutes in the bush whilst we heard the sirens chasing after the Tree House vehicles. They had no idea where we were but thought we must be in one of the vehicles on the loose. After we hear the sirens off in the distance Princess Leah emerged in the Pantser. "Get in you pharkn lot" she screamed.

We made it home and could hear "Greensleaves" all night with the locals being chased until they ran out of fuel and gave up.

Just as we were getting ready for our hammocks the Telegraph Cucumber rang.

"You lot are in soorious pharkn trouble" screamed Bella.

I told her I didn't care and we'd wait until the morning.

Goodnight girls. I love youse all and thanks for your support. Sorta kinda maybe.

Lukie

XXXX