Our Fine Fingered Friend

Our fine fingered friend, Honoruru, was being honoured tonight and I was busy finalising last minute preparations.

Captain Bligh, Premier of the Republic of Queensland, was so impressed with Honoruru's work in negotiating a win-win solution for the Pantser infrastructure damage that she wanted a special award for Honoruru. The Tree Housers had the key to the city but she wanted something special just for Lieutenant Honoruru as she is really the one that keeps us all solvent and manages the administration side of the 4064 Squadron.

I went in to Brisvegas and negotiated with the bureaucracy what I thought was a suitable honour. We agreed we'd take over the top floor of the Museum of Contemporary Art and make it "Honoruru's Calcurator Museum".

I knew she would piss her pants when she saw it. I hadn't told any of the other girls what was happening so it was going to be a massive surprise for everyone.

I had taken the day off from my leisurely pursuits of thinking and talking shit and was busy supervising the whole show. Occasionally I was called in to do some real work like lifting tables and chairs and filling water jugs. After I had said "I have a PhD you know" about 30 times people stopped asking for help.

I also learnt that in order to get what I really wanted I had to say "its just a suggestion" to give people a bit of ownership and let them decide if they wanted to take on my idea. I thought I'd probably take this one back to the Tree House and abbreviate it to "JAS".

At about 4PM I called the girls and said "Honoruru is in town tonight and please race over to the Stamford Plaza and pick her up and bring her to the MCA as I have booked us a table for dinner." They all thought Id been working in town all day.

Princess Leah was only on her second day back at work and she was shitty at the idea of coming out of the jungle but I said "It's just a suggestion, honey". She said "Oh, ok Lukie, I'll bring us in in the Postie Van". See it works. Ha. I'd have to be careful I didn't use that too often or in cases where people might think I was being manipulative. I have too much respect for these girls.

Captain Bligh turned up with about 100 people from parliament, Treasury, the Departments of Finance, Trade and Innovation, State Development, Local Government, Community Services and Jungle Aid and Brewing. Queensland is the only state to have a "Department of Brewing" as we cut so much piss up here in the tropical heat.

All of these departments were grateful to Honoruru in one way or another for work she had done in the past. I knew that the bastards from brewing were only here to make sure that Honoruru's vision with the 4064 Squadron brewery was fulfilled. One of the ways the Department of Brewing raise revenue is through beer royalties. Honoruru had developed the only beer in the world that was guaranteed to not dehydrate you whilst getting you "right royally off your tits", as it claimed. It was also infused with a 4064 Squadron patented enzyme that inhibited the activity of alcohol dehydrogenase so it prevented the alcohol from being turned into aldehyde , or poison, in your liver.

In short, it was the only beer that you could drink for the rest of your life in the jungle with no side effects, no dehydration and it would save millions of dollars in health care costs as well for alcoholic diseases. It was guaranteed to take over the world market for beer and the pharkn Govt wanted their slice.

All of the Tree Housers arrived. I forgot to tell them to dress for dinner and they had their usual jungle outfits on. Oh phark- who cares what we look like?

Captain Bligh gave this magnificent speech about the value of Honoruru in keeping the Tree Housers under control, whilst at the same time providing so much revenue for the republic.

She then asked one of the Tree Housers to give a talk. I stood up to move forward but phark me if that little jungle bikini didn't beat me to it.

"Well I'd like to say that Pharkn Lt Honoruru is one of the funniest pharkn C**ts I've pharkn met" said Princess Leah. At this point I started to melt into my seat. I was trying to crawl away when she continued "and for all you revenue raising pariahs that just love her for money making skills, we love her for heart and she's a top pharkn bird. "

"And Honoruru you can keep control of that casting couch at the Tree House for as long as you want. We pharkn love you" Princess Leah continued.

I couldn't believe it but Captain Bligh stood up and gave both Honoruru and Princess Leah a kiss and a hug and they had their photos taken together.

Captain Bligh said "she's been working with tradesmen all her life so I hear" and then started laughing again.

Anyway Honoruru and Captain Bligh opened up the "Honorary Honoruru Calcurator Museum". I swore Honoruru started crying as she cut the red ribbon with Captain Bligh.

Then we all walked in and had a look at some of the calcurators. Everything from the first Chinese abacus (donated by the Chinese government) to "Deep Blue" were on show. Deep Blue is the computer used against chess Champion Garry Kasparov years ago to see if a computer could beat a human chess champion and it was donated by IBM. I couldn't believe we'd pulled all this together in a few days but everyone around the world loves Lt Honoruru.

The first calcurator was an ancient Chinese Abacus. Soooo cool. Honoruru used one of these when she was Professor of Financial Administration at Beijing University. Cool Honoruru!!

This old Olivetti was something Honoruru used when she was Treasurer of Australia a few years ago. Can you believe you she used to calculate the Current Account Deficit on this?

This LED display (below) was originally used by Honoruru to display share prices directly from her calculator to punters outside the Stock Exchange. Honoruru manually estimated share prices based on supply and demand for all companies listed on the Stock Exchange in Australia.

The IBM Mainframe below is what Honoruru does the Tree House accounts on now. She says she needs it for the complex web of entities and trusts we run. I donated this to the museum and we'll get a new and bigger one soon.

After the museum opening we dropped Honoruru off at the Stamford Plaza and had a few cocktails overlooking the Mighty River. Honoruru had to fly out to Melbourne early so she was staying in town and not out at the Tree House.

We all drove back to the Tree House in the Postie van. Tomorrow would be another big day at the Tree House.