I returned to the Tree House this afternoon to the sight of the deck full of rolls of "Glad Wrap" and the sound of an AK-47 going off in the back yard. Lamb had decided she needed to get back in to form with the cricket bat. I had suggested that Don Bradman had used a cricket stump and golf ball on a piece of corrugated iron and Lamb should be doing the same.
Of course this kind of sensible advice was never going to be taken soooriously and Lamb had asked Princess Leah to teach her how to catch bullets with Glad Wrap like Princess had done the night before in the kitchen.
There was no body armour being used and Princess was spraying bullets straight at Lamb who was holding a roll of plastic lunch wrap in her hand swatting the bullets away like flies.This would let Lamb face the fastest bowling without a worry.
Lamb had taken three bullets in her torso and their was blood everywhere. I was horrified at the sight and screamed "Lamb, let's get you to the pharkn hospital for gods sake".
Dukie was sitting in her hammock unnoticed until then. She had been watching and laughing hysterically apparently. I turned to Dukie and let spray with a mouthful of language. I couldn't believe an intelligent woman like Duke would sit and watch this. Dukie was unphased by my spray and said that she had no intention of spoiling anyone's fun and in any case I was a Doctor and would clean them up if I had too. Pharkn hell, am I the only responsible one at the Tree House? I have a PhD in chemistry and that hardly qualifies me to fix broken women. Well I am a doctor and I will take a look at it if it's broken.
At the bottom of the yard was a heap of melted plastic wrap. I asked Dukie what had happened and she said the girls initially thought they'd test Lamb's skills with Princess Leah using the flamethrower instead of the AK-47. Holy shit it was a wonder Lamb wasn't burnt to a crisp. To use plastic wrap as a defence against a flamethrower is spectacularly stupid.
I called everyone in and told them to get into the tub. Before I could let Lamb in I had to give her 69 stitches to her wounds. I used a general anaesthetic in the form of Chambord and Lemonade and Lamb was out like a light.
I cooked a few pizzas for dinner and we sat down on the back deck to eat. Just as we were finishing Honoruru turned up looking like she'd had 300 scotch and Cokes. She told us she had been at the Parallel Universe and that was pretty obvious actually. At first I was pissed off as I thought she had driven but apparently a taxi had dropped her off at the "Ten Ways" and one of local villagers had picked her up in a Rickshaw and dropped her off at the Tree House. The rickshaw fare for us was free but Honoruru generally gave the local villagers $1000 (AUD) worth of drugs and bandages that she secured from drug companies every time she came over. Honoruru's reach into corporate charity was legendary.
At the Parallel Universe Honoruru had run into Bella who gave her some very important information. Bella had been trying to get hold of us on the Telegraph Cucumber but that had been shot to bits as Lamb had used that as her first "cricket bat". We'd have to get a new one tomorrow.
Apparently Bella had said that James Bond and Macgyver had left and Bargearse had taken up eating Pizza again. Honoruru was here to say that we could start with the preparations for the Tree House Challenge.
Oh phark, I just had everyone settled in for the night. There was no way Honoruru would be right to drive tomorrow AM and we owed it to her to give her time to get the Vintage Car ready for the race.
I called Sally Duke and told her to get Luke and Bo and the "General Lee" ready for start in 2 days time. They were over near the Redneck Trading Post and they would take a few hours to get here anyway.
China Rhino answered as soon as I called. I told her to be over at the Tree House to let off the starter gun in 2 days time. She was going to start skating now as it might take her some time. When China came over to see us she had a few beers at every bar on the way and it always took her a day or two. I told her she could probably get a lift with Adam Ant but she said "that is for pussies Lukie". Well that is what we like China, and which bit did you miss? Anyway she missed it all being pure and angelic that she is and she said she'd throw a $100 note in her bra and a $100 in her fishnets "in case" and start heading over tonight.
I had to get Matt and Adam to look after the VW engine transplant tomorrow. Lamb would have to let some wounds heal slightly at least. Princess Leah was right in the "Rollercoaster".
Our Duke was laughing as she knew the Postie Van was ready. We had finally talked Dukie into the fact she needed to wear a hard helmet for the race. She still had her glasses but at least a helmet would save her precious scone if she had a stack.
Of course this kind of sensible advice was never going to be taken soooriously and Lamb had asked Princess Leah to teach her how to catch bullets with Glad Wrap like Princess had done the night before in the kitchen.
There was no body armour being used and Princess was spraying bullets straight at Lamb who was holding a roll of plastic lunch wrap in her hand swatting the bullets away like flies.This would let Lamb face the fastest bowling without a worry.
Lamb had taken three bullets in her torso and their was blood everywhere. I was horrified at the sight and screamed "Lamb, let's get you to the pharkn hospital for gods sake".
Dukie was sitting in her hammock unnoticed until then. She had been watching and laughing hysterically apparently. I turned to Dukie and let spray with a mouthful of language. I couldn't believe an intelligent woman like Duke would sit and watch this. Dukie was unphased by my spray and said that she had no intention of spoiling anyone's fun and in any case I was a Doctor and would clean them up if I had too. Pharkn hell, am I the only responsible one at the Tree House? I have a PhD in chemistry and that hardly qualifies me to fix broken women. Well I am a doctor and I will take a look at it if it's broken.
At the bottom of the yard was a heap of melted plastic wrap. I asked Dukie what had happened and she said the girls initially thought they'd test Lamb's skills with Princess Leah using the flamethrower instead of the AK-47. Holy shit it was a wonder Lamb wasn't burnt to a crisp. To use plastic wrap as a defence against a flamethrower is spectacularly stupid.
I called everyone in and told them to get into the tub. Before I could let Lamb in I had to give her 69 stitches to her wounds. I used a general anaesthetic in the form of Chambord and Lemonade and Lamb was out like a light.
I cooked a few pizzas for dinner and we sat down on the back deck to eat. Just as we were finishing Honoruru turned up looking like she'd had 300 scotch and Cokes. She told us she had been at the Parallel Universe and that was pretty obvious actually. At first I was pissed off as I thought she had driven but apparently a taxi had dropped her off at the "Ten Ways" and one of local villagers had picked her up in a Rickshaw and dropped her off at the Tree House. The rickshaw fare for us was free but Honoruru generally gave the local villagers $1000 (AUD) worth of drugs and bandages that she secured from drug companies every time she came over. Honoruru's reach into corporate charity was legendary.
At the Parallel Universe Honoruru had run into Bella who gave her some very important information. Bella had been trying to get hold of us on the Telegraph Cucumber but that had been shot to bits as Lamb had used that as her first "cricket bat". We'd have to get a new one tomorrow.
Apparently Bella had said that James Bond and Macgyver had left and Bargearse had taken up eating Pizza again. Honoruru was here to say that we could start with the preparations for the Tree House Challenge.
Oh phark, I just had everyone settled in for the night. There was no way Honoruru would be right to drive tomorrow AM and we owed it to her to give her time to get the Vintage Car ready for the race.
I called Sally Duke and told her to get Luke and Bo and the "General Lee" ready for start in 2 days time. They were over near the Redneck Trading Post and they would take a few hours to get here anyway.
China Rhino answered as soon as I called. I told her to be over at the Tree House to let off the starter gun in 2 days time. She was going to start skating now as it might take her some time. When China came over to see us she had a few beers at every bar on the way and it always took her a day or two. I told her she could probably get a lift with Adam Ant but she said "that is for pussies Lukie". Well that is what we like China, and which bit did you miss? Anyway she missed it all being pure and angelic that she is and she said she'd throw a $100 note in her bra and a $100 in her fishnets "in case" and start heading over tonight.
I had to get Matt and Adam to look after the VW engine transplant tomorrow. Lamb would have to let some wounds heal slightly at least. Princess Leah was right in the "Rollercoaster".
Our Duke was laughing as she knew the Postie Van was ready. We had finally talked Dukie into the fact she needed to wear a hard helmet for the race. She still had her glasses but at least a helmet would save her precious scone if she had a stack.
Lamb grabbed her Chambord and hobbled downstairs. Dukie took off after her to play with the Postie Van. Princess Leah went and slept in the Rollercoaster with her flame thrower for protection. I wasn't going anywhere as I was waiting for Matt and Adam to do the work on the VW.
Honoruru went out to the Casting Couch and starting chatting up some glamorous chick we called "The Ghost". "Aaah ra ra ra, I want to make love to you like a Banshee" she said in her sleep. When she was off her tits she always practiced her lines in her sleep.
Goodnight girls wherever you may fall,
Lukie
XXXXX
1 comment:
casting crouch is bestest pwace to be...another scotch pwease
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