Lamb was on the megaphone and she was in fine form.
"Get your tits into this bus now" she screamed.We loaded 50 blindfolded babes into the bus.It was almost unreal that Princess Leah and Duke had managed to find the "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" bus. This is definitely one story we don't want to hear.
We quickly put Lamb into the her silver flowing gown and installed her on the roof.
The natives took off in Miss Whippy to provide a decoy in case anyone was following us. We could hear "Greensleaves" pumping out through the jungle as we took off.
"That'll phark 'em" said Duke as we drove off. Duke was our bus driver today.
Dukie had the bus sideways through every corner to the Tree House. Princess Leah screamed out "the first time I drove this I had it doing 7000 RPM and redlining it in 1st gear". This only drove Dukie on to greater things out of competition and the ride was fast and furious.
We made it back to the Tree House and told everyone to keep their blindfolds on until they got out the back. It wasn't that we cared if they saw the Tree House now, but we were just having fun playing with everyone.
It was 2PM and it was official "Legs Open" time. Everyone took off their blindfolds and I jumped in and started serving. The gin was going off. It was a particularly nasty brew and some of the junior lesbians were struggling.
I decided to let Dukie and Princess Leah take over "Legs" and I would go over to see Cap'n Dyke and the girls. I called to the Princess and she came over with Margo's chaps over her bikini. What had gone on there to facilitate that sharing I didn't want to know.
After an hr or so of drinking we rolled out the Karaoke machine.
Lamb and her junior lesbians all got up and sang "If I could turn back time" by Cher. Some of the girls from the Parallel Universe sang "Advance Australia Fair". Cool. Princess Leah sang "Sunsets" by Powderfinger for me.
Then Cap'n Dyke, Margo, Starr Ann and Lori got up and sang " You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC. This is our theme song and they must have learnt it for us. We jumped up after the first verse and the eight of us went crazy together. They sang the more correct version of "American Thighs" whilst we sang "Aussie Thighs".
This was turning into a big day indeed. We had thrown some of the junior lesbians back into the bus as they were terribly wasted. We were going to have to slow this down if any of them were going to be a part of the "horizontal sack races" we had planned for later.
Just as we were about to get another round of Karaoke going, Honoruru burst through the door.
"Holy phark and thanks for the help, you lot" she screamed as she went straight to the bar.
We all stopped as she said "Campbell Newman might have been giving you the key to the city but at the same time the council CEO, Jude Munro, was giving me a bill for $10M for damage caused by the Pantser to BCC infrastructure last week". Honoruru had been busy all day negotiating with Brisbane City Council.
I told her not to worry about it. We had fans across every large business in Australia and we made alot of money for Queensland and Brisbane and they'd support us. We'd just invite Jude to the Tree House one night for dinner. I was too tired to be bothered worrying- even though it had obviously been a big afternoon for Honoruru.
I told Honoruru to go down to the "Casting Couch"and she could start interviewing babes to share her hammock tonight. They were all lined up and had been waiting for her for hours as her reputation as a lover was widely known. That is why we could never let Honoruru come in a fight with us- it would ruin her "lover, not a fighter" reputation.
"Wai, hurro dare radies" I heard her say as she sat down on the Casting Couch to start her interviews.
I was busy with the prawns on the BBQ whilst I heard some turbines whirring into action underneath. Holy shit I knew what was going on.
I dropped the tongs and ran down the stairs.
Just as I did this the Pantser leapt into action. Cap'n Dyke and Lamb were straddling the gun on the front, Margo and Starr Ann were on the back holding on for dear life and Dukie had Lori on the back of the Beast doing "fishies" in the gravel in front and smoking it up a storm. Lori looked good in a pair of Duke's aviator glasses and leathers.
I let them go and returned to the BBQ.
After 2 hrs I could hear "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen as they came up through the jungle. Dukie came roaring in first and then Princess Leah parked the Pantser.
Margo said "that was the most amazing thing I've ever done in my life" as she climbed up the Tree House stairs. Starr Ann and Lori were just speechless.
I looked down the stairs and Cap'n Dyke and Lamb were crawling up the stairs with their legs crossed. I looked at Princess Leah and she said "Lamb wanted me to fire the gun. I swear Lukie I didn't want too, but they begged me."
This was Lambs favourite thing. Straddling the gun whilst Princess Leah fired it.
Dukie recounted how after they fired the first missile Cap'n Dyke was hanging upside down on the gun like an orangutan, moaning for 5 minutes. I think Margo might have thought that was the most amazing thing she'd ever experienced, but Cap'n Dyke certainly would as well if she could talk enough to tell us. Apparently Princess fired it 3 times. Even that was a record for Lamb and we were going to have to get her therapy for this. Like an addict, when will enough ever be enough?
We danced to Kylie Minogue and a heap of others for 4 hrs. Cap'n Dyke and Lamb didn't move much at all actually.
At about midnight and under the cover of darkness Duke took all the local babes back to the "ten ways". The villagers took them in Miss Whippy back to the Parallel Universe.
We had ten hammocks lined up on the Tree House back deck.
Princess Leah said "are we going to do the horizontal sack races tonight Lukie?"
I started to say that I was too tired when Lamb cut in with "That is all so boring as Luke always comes first". Dukie added "she comes first, second, third, fourth and fifth to be more precise".
Our girls from the US of A obviously got the joke as they were all laughing. We'd take them back to th"Mound in the morning. Right now we needed sleep.
Goodnight girls and thanks for coming. Again and again and again.
Lukie
XXXX
"Get your tits into this bus now" she screamed.We loaded 50 blindfolded babes into the bus.It was almost unreal that Princess Leah and Duke had managed to find the "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" bus. This is definitely one story we don't want to hear.
We quickly put Lamb into the her silver flowing gown and installed her on the roof.
The natives took off in Miss Whippy to provide a decoy in case anyone was following us. We could hear "Greensleaves" pumping out through the jungle as we took off.
"That'll phark 'em" said Duke as we drove off. Duke was our bus driver today.
Dukie had the bus sideways through every corner to the Tree House. Princess Leah screamed out "the first time I drove this I had it doing 7000 RPM and redlining it in 1st gear". This only drove Dukie on to greater things out of competition and the ride was fast and furious.
We made it back to the Tree House and told everyone to keep their blindfolds on until they got out the back. It wasn't that we cared if they saw the Tree House now, but we were just having fun playing with everyone.
It was 2PM and it was official "Legs Open" time. Everyone took off their blindfolds and I jumped in and started serving. The gin was going off. It was a particularly nasty brew and some of the junior lesbians were struggling.
I decided to let Dukie and Princess Leah take over "Legs" and I would go over to see Cap'n Dyke and the girls. I called to the Princess and she came over with Margo's chaps over her bikini. What had gone on there to facilitate that sharing I didn't want to know.
After an hr or so of drinking we rolled out the Karaoke machine.
Lamb and her junior lesbians all got up and sang "If I could turn back time" by Cher. Some of the girls from the Parallel Universe sang "Advance Australia Fair". Cool. Princess Leah sang "Sunsets" by Powderfinger for me.
Then Cap'n Dyke, Margo, Starr Ann and Lori got up and sang " You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC. This is our theme song and they must have learnt it for us. We jumped up after the first verse and the eight of us went crazy together. They sang the more correct version of "American Thighs" whilst we sang "Aussie Thighs".
This was turning into a big day indeed. We had thrown some of the junior lesbians back into the bus as they were terribly wasted. We were going to have to slow this down if any of them were going to be a part of the "horizontal sack races" we had planned for later.
Just as we were about to get another round of Karaoke going, Honoruru burst through the door.
"Holy phark and thanks for the help, you lot" she screamed as she went straight to the bar.
We all stopped as she said "Campbell Newman might have been giving you the key to the city but at the same time the council CEO, Jude Munro, was giving me a bill for $10M for damage caused by the Pantser to BCC infrastructure last week". Honoruru had been busy all day negotiating with Brisbane City Council.
I told her not to worry about it. We had fans across every large business in Australia and we made alot of money for Queensland and Brisbane and they'd support us. We'd just invite Jude to the Tree House one night for dinner. I was too tired to be bothered worrying- even though it had obviously been a big afternoon for Honoruru.
I told Honoruru to go down to the "Casting Couch"and she could start interviewing babes to share her hammock tonight. They were all lined up and had been waiting for her for hours as her reputation as a lover was widely known. That is why we could never let Honoruru come in a fight with us- it would ruin her "lover, not a fighter" reputation.
"Wai, hurro dare radies" I heard her say as she sat down on the Casting Couch to start her interviews.
I was busy with the prawns on the BBQ whilst I heard some turbines whirring into action underneath. Holy shit I knew what was going on.
I dropped the tongs and ran down the stairs.
Just as I did this the Pantser leapt into action. Cap'n Dyke and Lamb were straddling the gun on the front, Margo and Starr Ann were on the back holding on for dear life and Dukie had Lori on the back of the Beast doing "fishies" in the gravel in front and smoking it up a storm. Lori looked good in a pair of Duke's aviator glasses and leathers.
I let them go and returned to the BBQ.
After 2 hrs I could hear "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen as they came up through the jungle. Dukie came roaring in first and then Princess Leah parked the Pantser.
Margo said "that was the most amazing thing I've ever done in my life" as she climbed up the Tree House stairs. Starr Ann and Lori were just speechless.
I looked down the stairs and Cap'n Dyke and Lamb were crawling up the stairs with their legs crossed. I looked at Princess Leah and she said "Lamb wanted me to fire the gun. I swear Lukie I didn't want too, but they begged me."
This was Lambs favourite thing. Straddling the gun whilst Princess Leah fired it.
Dukie recounted how after they fired the first missile Cap'n Dyke was hanging upside down on the gun like an orangutan, moaning for 5 minutes. I think Margo might have thought that was the most amazing thing she'd ever experienced, but Cap'n Dyke certainly would as well if she could talk enough to tell us. Apparently Princess fired it 3 times. Even that was a record for Lamb and we were going to have to get her therapy for this. Like an addict, when will enough ever be enough?
We danced to Kylie Minogue and a heap of others for 4 hrs. Cap'n Dyke and Lamb didn't move much at all actually.
At about midnight and under the cover of darkness Duke took all the local babes back to the "ten ways". The villagers took them in Miss Whippy back to the Parallel Universe.
We had ten hammocks lined up on the Tree House back deck.
Princess Leah said "are we going to do the horizontal sack races tonight Lukie?"
I started to say that I was too tired when Lamb cut in with "That is all so boring as Luke always comes first". Dukie added "she comes first, second, third, fourth and fifth to be more precise".
Our girls from the US of A obviously got the joke as they were all laughing. We'd take them back to th"Mound in the morning. Right now we needed sleep.
Goodnight girls and thanks for coming. Again and again and again.
Lukie
XXXX
5 comments:
I am so pharkn tired today from all the casting couch work
Ah Honoruru my lubberly jubberly. You need to start enforcing the rule that when interviewing 40 babes the first round needs to be talking only. Honestly- you need to be less thorough in the initial phases of selection. I do know how you got your reputation though, after watching some of your moves last night.
i learnt from the bestest and I am a scorpio
The Tree House rocks. Just when we think Lukie Skywalker has written a ripper yarn she comes up with an even better story. Is Lamb real?
Thanks Anonymous for the compliment. Yep. Lamb is real. 110%. Like so are the rest of us and the Pantser, the Tree House, our wars and everything else. Just believe me. Ok.
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