"Requesting clearance for tower fly-by" said Duke as we rode into the Parallel Universe at top speed.
"Negative, Ghostrider, the pattern is full" came back from the tower. Duke gets pissed off when we are mistaken for our Navy flying mates, Maverick and Goose. A squadron we might be, but that is only for naming convenience. We are definitely a land based fighting unit. The "Beast" just happens to fly when Duke is at the controls.
Duke couldnt help herself and did three laps inside the Parallel Universe before we all fell off laughing. Everyone was glad to see their guerrilla fighting mates from 4064.
Holy Shit I'm thinking as we have only had a coffee. Tonight is going to go right off as we get back into civilisation. Well if that is what you call it as the UN peacekeepers had only just started to rebuild the Chinese Quarter. This was years after we had picked up Lamb after the last lot of destruction. It proves how dangerous this territory is.
We were all happily dancing when Colonel Slanders and her clan (the "Finger Lickin Good Zinger Breasts") strutted in. Luckily the bouncers picked up the weapons at the door or it probably would have been carnage from the time we laid eyes on each other. In the dark back bar of the Parallel Universe neither of us were aware of the others presence for a good while.
"Soooriously" said Lamb as she exited the front bar of the Parallel Universe, "I'm sure Colonel Slanders just turned up as I could smell those greasy drumsticks from a mile off".
I told everyone to be calm as Bella would have informed us if that sort of trash was in town tonight. And lets face it- Colonel Slanders only said bad words about us and we'd managed to escape and outrun and out think every ridiculous word they'd thrown at us.
It was no secret that us and the Colonel Slanders tribe just didn't get on. We fought for social equality and inclusion and they just fought for women to take back to their bunkers and turn into sex slaves. We had secured Duke from their camp in a trade for a bucket of Gin that Princess Leah and I had fermented using wild Juniper Berries and a still I had constructed from left over research equipment. Duke is such a top bird with a heart of gold and we knew she wanted to join our cause. But with Duke being such a great performer and leader of charitable causes now at the Tree House we knew we'd never be forgiven.
The fact that Duke and Princess Leah had the Panzer was really pissing off Captain Slanders- at least Bella had passed that information on to us.
And so we waited to see if it was true that the Zingers were here. Then the smell engulfed the "Inferno Bar" at the Parallel Universe. The "Inferno Bar" was labelled after Princess Leah let off a flamethrower at midnight on New Years Eve 3 years ago and took out 3 toilets and the entire contents of the spirits section of the bar. It was a riot that we are proud of.
As the smell got stronger and stronger we knew we were in trouble. I told everyone to split up and keep in contact via SMS. Before we knew it, Colonel Slanders and the Zingers had Duke holed up and asking about her social convictions. I was pissed off but I knew we'd have to deal with this in a calm and calculated manner. I told Princess and Lamb to stay away and I'd head in and negotiate.
Well, didn't the pooh hit the Mistral at that point. "No Luke we are sick of your negotiating and promises" said the Colonel, " we got your gin and it was less than 37% alcohol and we're taking her back". I couldn't believe we'd fkd up on that titration as I'm a well respected chemist. I thought we cant argue with that now- we just have to dig in.
Colonel Slanders said "tell us if you've got the Leopard Panzer and if we can lease off you at 12% with a balloon of 40% over 8 years and we might release her". I knew she hadn't named the price -only the payment terms- so I thought here was my chance to start the negotiations.
I was desperately trying to get to Lamb and Princess Leah whilst I was thinking of the price but they were MIA. Shit, I thought. And where the fuck are Maverick and Goose- those gay boys always let you down in a lesbian fire fight.
Next thing the whole side wall of the Parallel Universe fell over. The Inferno Bar was completely lost in a big mother of a green machine. I took cover and grabbed Duke and pulled her aside. If their was one woman I could save straight away it was Duke.
We looked up as the dust cleared to see Lamb hanging out the top of the Panzer with a megaphone. She must have signed the lease agreement in a hurry and picked up the keys. Princess Leah must be inside as she was the only one with a licence to drive heavy vehicles.
"radrizzili che i limoni lasciano il mio lukie ed il dukie andare e noi risparmieranno le donne in thebar. se venite dopo che noi noi prendiamo tutte le vostre altre donne e le incitiamo a falciare il nostro prato ed a renderci il gin ed il tonico per il loro resto delle loro vite" came through loud and clear.
Oh shit I thought- Lamb always reverts to Italian when she is under pressure.
Roughly translated she said the following:
"Negative, Ghostrider, the pattern is full" came back from the tower. Duke gets pissed off when we are mistaken for our Navy flying mates, Maverick and Goose. A squadron we might be, but that is only for naming convenience. We are definitely a land based fighting unit. The "Beast" just happens to fly when Duke is at the controls.
Duke couldnt help herself and did three laps inside the Parallel Universe before we all fell off laughing. Everyone was glad to see their guerrilla fighting mates from 4064.
Holy Shit I'm thinking as we have only had a coffee. Tonight is going to go right off as we get back into civilisation. Well if that is what you call it as the UN peacekeepers had only just started to rebuild the Chinese Quarter. This was years after we had picked up Lamb after the last lot of destruction. It proves how dangerous this territory is.
We were all happily dancing when Colonel Slanders and her clan (the "Finger Lickin Good Zinger Breasts") strutted in. Luckily the bouncers picked up the weapons at the door or it probably would have been carnage from the time we laid eyes on each other. In the dark back bar of the Parallel Universe neither of us were aware of the others presence for a good while.
"Soooriously" said Lamb as she exited the front bar of the Parallel Universe, "I'm sure Colonel Slanders just turned up as I could smell those greasy drumsticks from a mile off".
I told everyone to be calm as Bella would have informed us if that sort of trash was in town tonight. And lets face it- Colonel Slanders only said bad words about us and we'd managed to escape and outrun and out think every ridiculous word they'd thrown at us.
It was no secret that us and the Colonel Slanders tribe just didn't get on. We fought for social equality and inclusion and they just fought for women to take back to their bunkers and turn into sex slaves. We had secured Duke from their camp in a trade for a bucket of Gin that Princess Leah and I had fermented using wild Juniper Berries and a still I had constructed from left over research equipment. Duke is such a top bird with a heart of gold and we knew she wanted to join our cause. But with Duke being such a great performer and leader of charitable causes now at the Tree House we knew we'd never be forgiven.
The fact that Duke and Princess Leah had the Panzer was really pissing off Captain Slanders- at least Bella had passed that information on to us.
And so we waited to see if it was true that the Zingers were here. Then the smell engulfed the "Inferno Bar" at the Parallel Universe. The "Inferno Bar" was labelled after Princess Leah let off a flamethrower at midnight on New Years Eve 3 years ago and took out 3 toilets and the entire contents of the spirits section of the bar. It was a riot that we are proud of.
As the smell got stronger and stronger we knew we were in trouble. I told everyone to split up and keep in contact via SMS. Before we knew it, Colonel Slanders and the Zingers had Duke holed up and asking about her social convictions. I was pissed off but I knew we'd have to deal with this in a calm and calculated manner. I told Princess and Lamb to stay away and I'd head in and negotiate.
Well, didn't the pooh hit the Mistral at that point. "No Luke we are sick of your negotiating and promises" said the Colonel, " we got your gin and it was less than 37% alcohol and we're taking her back". I couldn't believe we'd fkd up on that titration as I'm a well respected chemist. I thought we cant argue with that now- we just have to dig in.
Colonel Slanders said "tell us if you've got the Leopard Panzer and if we can lease off you at 12% with a balloon of 40% over 8 years and we might release her". I knew she hadn't named the price -only the payment terms- so I thought here was my chance to start the negotiations.
I was desperately trying to get to Lamb and Princess Leah whilst I was thinking of the price but they were MIA. Shit, I thought. And where the fuck are Maverick and Goose- those gay boys always let you down in a lesbian fire fight.
Next thing the whole side wall of the Parallel Universe fell over. The Inferno Bar was completely lost in a big mother of a green machine. I took cover and grabbed Duke and pulled her aside. If their was one woman I could save straight away it was Duke.
We looked up as the dust cleared to see Lamb hanging out the top of the Panzer with a megaphone. She must have signed the lease agreement in a hurry and picked up the keys. Princess Leah must be inside as she was the only one with a licence to drive heavy vehicles.
"radrizzili che i limoni lasciano il mio lukie ed il dukie andare e noi risparmieranno le donne in thebar. se venite dopo che noi noi prendiamo tutte le vostre altre donne e le incitiamo a falciare il nostro prato ed a renderci il gin ed il tonico per il loro resto delle loro vite" came through loud and clear.
Oh shit I thought- Lamb always reverts to Italian when she is under pressure.
Roughly translated she said the following:
"Right you lemons let my Lukie and Dukie go and we will spare the women in the bar. If you come after us we will take all your other women and make them mow our lawn and make us Gin and Tonic for their rest of their lives."
I grabbed Duke and we jumped onto the top of the tank and Lamb pulled us in.
We raced home to the Tree House. Leah drove. We dropped Duke off to pick up the beast at the car park.
All the way home in the Panzer, Princess Leah had "Peaches" on. Cool. When we got home Duke had Leonard Cohen on in the Tree House.
We didn't realise it but Duke had grabbed 3 bottles of Gin and 3 of Vodka in the dust and dark and had them lined up for us when we returned.
We pulled the lounges out and lit the DDT infused incense sticks and slept on the back deck of the Tree House that night. All cuddled up and knowing we were safe.
Lamb and I had a quick discussion on the whole issue of financing the Panzer and our Capex budget but agreed we'd talk to the accountants the next day. We don't know depreciation schedules on jungle warfare stuff and we might be better buying than leasing but we can change it easily enough.
We raced home to the Tree House. Leah drove. We dropped Duke off to pick up the beast at the car park.
All the way home in the Panzer, Princess Leah had "Peaches" on. Cool. When we got home Duke had Leonard Cohen on in the Tree House.
We didn't realise it but Duke had grabbed 3 bottles of Gin and 3 of Vodka in the dust and dark and had them lined up for us when we returned.
We pulled the lounges out and lit the DDT infused incense sticks and slept on the back deck of the Tree House that night. All cuddled up and knowing we were safe.
Lamb and I had a quick discussion on the whole issue of financing the Panzer and our Capex budget but agreed we'd talk to the accountants the next day. We don't know depreciation schedules on jungle warfare stuff and we might be better buying than leasing but we can change it easily enough.
Duke and Princess Leah were already asleep after planning the next days attack on the magnetic white board.
We knew what we had to do and we were ready for the next battle.
Sleep well, all of us social warriors fighting against the dark forces of evil. Another weekend in the jungles of 4064 is over.
Lukie
XXXXX
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