As we approached the top of the Pass we could see Dukie standing in the middle of the road with a bewildered look on her face. "Well she's lost the plot I reckon" I said to Princess. "We're in the middle of a war zone and she is standing out like a sore thumb".
"Get up you big goose, you are giving us away to the enemy" screamed Lamb from the top of the Panzer.
"Did you look in the mirror before you walked out the door Lambie?" said Duke as she regained composure. "That is the worst jungle outfit Ive ever laid eyes on. Looks like that getup Cher wore on the Turn Back Time video clip on the navy boat". Well lucky Duke hadn't heard the music when we left the Tree House.
"Oh maate, you can shut the phark up" said Lamb. "Soooriously, where are these bastards? Have you managed to find them or just been laying here thinking about girls and bazookas?".
"Well, actually, Mav and Goose have heard we're in trouble and they have flown over and sorted it all out for us" said Duke.
" The whalers are down at Southbank under the Goodwill Bridge. Princess Leah you head straight down Coro drive and up onto the bridge. Lukie catch a cab over the bridge before Leah gets there. Baby is at the entrance to the bridge and she doesn't know anything about this yet. I'll be picking her up and getting her the flock outta there first and then coming back to the battle" she said calmly.
"Well, actually, Mav and Goose have heard we're in trouble and they have flown over and sorted it all out for us" said Duke.
" The whalers are down at Southbank under the Goodwill Bridge. Princess Leah you head straight down Coro drive and up onto the bridge. Lukie catch a cab over the bridge before Leah gets there. Baby is at the entrance to the bridge and she doesn't know anything about this yet. I'll be picking her up and getting her the flock outta there first and then coming back to the battle" she said calmly.
Just like our best mate Duke to save the women first before putting herself back into danger.
"Luke you head over now, Leah get to the bridge and cover me. When I see the gay boys fly over I'll know you're all set. Off you go now and be safe, true warriors" continued Duke. We all had a quick pash and took off. Leah desperately wanted Lamb to come inside the Panzer but she wouldn't have a bar of it.
Apparently Mav and Goose had also said that there was some strange looking Pirate Ship in the distance and even a cavalry on the western front. I had an inkling that some of our new found mates might be heading over to help us. Whew they move fast!! Maybe it was that 4 Gigabyte per nanosecond cable we have at the Tree House that let us all travel at the speed of light.
Anyway I called 131008 and got a Black and White to Southbank. The driver looked at me, started laughing and said "you goin' to a fancy dress or something Luke Skywalker?" as I jumped in. I laughed and said "yeah- and it will be going off with a bang as Cher is singing." Funny bastards in Brisbane. I wound down the windows and let the jungle humidity seep into my skin. Shit I loved this heat and humidity. Made the babes glisten.
I got to Southbank and took up my position on the Museum of Contemporary Art (MCA) roof. This was fine for watching but was I supposed to do up here? I could see the Japanese Whalers and Sea Shepherd behind it. The Steve Irwin was close by. Steve was a mate of ours and the Australia Zoo was only an hour up the road from the Tree House. We still visit every few weeks just to see Terri, Bindi and Bob and see what we can do for the world of conservation and animal welfare.
I could see the Panzer approaching. At least Princess had changed the music and Neil Young was on. "Rockin' in the Free World" was the song Princess almost always had playing on her way into battle.
Baby started to move towards the Panzer but Lamb had her megaphone out. "Soooriously, we've been targetted by the Japanese Whalers and we know about it and we're here to phark 'em over. You wait for the Duke, Baby" she said calmly.
Baby stood back and let the Panzer pass. I could see she was impressed with all of this.
Next thing Princess positioned the Panzer on the bridge and directed the Lamb and the gun she was straddling straight at the whale boats.
Mav and Goose flew over and within a microsecond Duke had Baby and was outta there. Once we knew that Baby was safe we could start the negotiations. Or I would have negotiated anyway. How did we leave the megaphone with Lamb?
"Ascoltate me pharkn del ADN Im dei bastardi sooorious. Avete provato a prenderli a Kokoda e noi combattenti della giungla abbiamo vinto. Abbiamo pensato che baciato e composto. Pozzo voi pharkn del aint visto niente ancora. Sono l'agnello. Il guerriero della giungla italiano più grande mai per portare i fishnets e cuoio. Desiderate le mie donne, voi lo prendete in primo luogo."
I translated this as "Listen to me you bastards- and Im pharkn sooorious! You tried to take us at Kokoda and us jungle fighters won. We thought we'd kissed and made up. Well you ain't pharkn seen nothing yet. I am the Lamb. The Greatest Italian Jungle Warrior ever to wear fishnets and leather. You want my women, you take me first."
Lamb stood up and let a few rounds escape from the AK-47. "Oh shit" I thought.
I raced down to the banks of the river. I could see the Whalers were getting their harpoons ready.
Duke rode over the bridge behind the Panzer and picked me up and took us to Princess Leah and Lamb. We were now all on the Panzer or in front of it.
The Whalers let the first harpoon go. It went straight into one of the pylons of the bridge under us.
"These bastards fight dirtier than bank managers" said Duke.
The second harpoon nearly took Lamb's head off. "Get down" I screamed just in time.
Leah couldn't get the gun of the Panzer down far enough to aim at the Whalers underneath us and we lost two missiles to the salty water of the Mighty River. Leah looked at me and said "Lukie- time you stopped thinking and made a contribution to the fightin capabilities of this outfit" she said.
I knew what I had to do. I pulled out the Lightsaber and turned it on. Nothing. Try again. Nothing.
I stopped and looked at the girls. "Oh for phark's sake who stole the batteries from the Lightsaber?" I said. No-one owned up to it but I had no time to discuss it. There were spares in the Panzer and we quickly put them in.
I knew what I had to do. I pulled out the Lightsaber and turned it on. Nothing. Try again. Nothing.
I stopped and looked at the girls. "Oh for phark's sake who stole the batteries from the Lightsaber?" I said. No-one owned up to it but I had no time to discuss it. There were spares in the Panzer and we quickly put them in.
"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" the magic lightsaber came on as a third harpoon missed us by inches.
"Lamb throw a 100m rope over the front of the gun and tie a truckies knot" I screamed just as the "Ghostrider" dumped a missile on one of the whalers. We had one less boat to worry about anyway. Shame those gay boys weren't thinking a bit earlier.
I tied the other end of the rope around my waist and ran back to the other side of the bridge. Without warning I ran back past the Panzer, leapt off the bridge and into the air. I was aimed straight at the remaining whaler with my lightsaber in front of me. The fourth harpoon was launched and just missed me. I didn't have time to worry about if it was going to hit the bridge, girls or the Panzer. I was flying in the air along the side of the whaler cutting it with my saber hoping the rope would pull me up soon. The next thing the ship started to roll sideways. The gash I'd made was about 20m long and it was obviously enough.
Luckily the rope pulled me up too late and I had flown past the sinking whaler and into the water. The Sea Shepherd came past and picked me up as I untied myself.
"WOO HOO!!" I screamed excitedly as I jumped on deck. I looked up and Princess Leah, Lamb and Duke had their shirts off and were standing on the top of the Panzer.
Lamb grabbed her megaphone and said "Lukie this is one for you!!". Next thing Elvis Presley "Burning Love" belted out from the Panzer music system and the girls were goin' off!!
Lord almighty,
Im burning a hole where I lay
Cause your kisss lift me higher
Like the sweet song of a choir
You light my morning sky
With burning love
With burning love
Ah,ah,burning love
Im just a hunk,a hunk of burning love
Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love
Just a hunk of burning love
Just a hunk of burning love
Just a hunk of burning love
The Sea Shepherd Captain said to me "You've got some mighty fine women in your squadron, Lukie". "And let's not forget to appreciate their bazookas" I said as I stood admiring them dancing on the Panzer.
I was back in the land of the living. My mental scars were healing and I was ready to rock. Thanks Lamb, Princess Leah and Dukie.
THE TREE HOUSE ROCKS!!
No comments:
Post a Comment