All day long I was busy working upstairs on the deck of the TreeHouse.
Lamb was still in Melbourne and we had a chat after lunch. Lamb's job is critical for her company and sometimes I think if she doesn't slow down she'll do herself some harm. That is the last thing we need.
I could hear the welder and grinder going all day long and it was more than pharkn annoying but I knew Duke and Princess Leah must be doing something important.
I put 5 Tim Rogers CD's in the machine and turned up the volume. Every now and then the power would cut out and Tim would miss a beat but it was all ok.
Everytime Princess Leah and Duke arc up the welder the power dips and sometimes we even get blackouts. The only way we'd get over this is if we had 3-phase power all the way to the Tree House and that would be a nice give away to the authorities wouldn't it.
Our current power was generators running on biodiesel or ethanol. Princess Leah managed to get a few good crops of corn or canola in every year and I manufactured the fuel in the Labia.
Anyway back to the welding. I thought it was time the girls finished the welding and griding and came upstairs for a beveridge or five. The sunset is beautiful as the Tree House deck overlooks the jungle.
I went downstairs and could not believe what I saw. Princess Leah and Duke had turned the Pantser into a bulldozer. I said "what the phark are you pair doing?". Holy shit these modifications have not been designed by Lamb, will not have a compliance certificate and therefore be unwarrantable, are not covered by our current lease or insurance agreements and basically are just ridiculous.
"If we wanted a bulldozer we'd get a D-12 for $500k and a good lease through Caterpillar. You have just turned an $20M tank into a bulldozer" I said. "Sooriously Lamb is gonna pharkn spew when she sees this" I added.
I had to admit Princess Leah and Duke looked gorgeous when they were all dirty and sweaty. But this was a catastrophe.
"Lukie, you may be upset and you may have a right to be" started Princess.
"The simple fact is we cant get a D12 imported for a few weeks and we need it NOW" said Duke.
"All the modifications are totally reversible and we now have a multi-purpose vehicle" continued Princess Leah. "I know you and Lamb think you need to analyse and assess and approve everything but this is real work, Luke. We don't have time to sit around and think about this for a week".
"And what on earth is the rush on for girls" I said as I tried to hide my anger.
"Well we have Cap'n Dyke, Hahnski, Margo and Starr Ann and maybe some others coming and we have a sourced an absolute motherpharkn vehicle to get us all home" said Duke.
Duke and Princess Leah looked at each other and started laughing madly until they both fell over.
"And what does this have to do with your justification for destroying millions of dollars of property" I said. Duke explained that in order to get approximately 50 blindfolded lesbians back to the Tree House in their new vehicle we would need to carve a path that is wider than anything the vans can get through.
"Whatever" I said. "But you pair better have this thing back to normal within 48 hrs of the ceremony".
I started to walk off when Duke told me to come back. "Let me show you" she said.
We walked around and I looked at everything. I had to admit it looked unbelievable. This pair are talented.
"When Lamb gets back we are going to get her to submit the documents to the patent office" said Duke.
"Then" she continued "this will be a massive money spinner for the Tree House.
"How so?" I asked,suddenly interested.
"Well we heard something very special on the Telegraph Cucumber from Bella and we weren't going to tell you until dinner but here goes" said Duke as she motioned for Princess to tell me.
"The United Nations have just announced that you are to take over the role as chief negotiator for the Middle East and Iraq" said Princess Leah.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Are you tak'n the piss? Because if so it isn't very funny" I said.
"No,no,no" they were saying together whilst running over and starting to lick me like a Chocolate Paddle Pop.
Lamb was still in Melbourne and we had a chat after lunch. Lamb's job is critical for her company and sometimes I think if she doesn't slow down she'll do herself some harm. That is the last thing we need.
I could hear the welder and grinder going all day long and it was more than pharkn annoying but I knew Duke and Princess Leah must be doing something important.
I put 5 Tim Rogers CD's in the machine and turned up the volume. Every now and then the power would cut out and Tim would miss a beat but it was all ok.
Everytime Princess Leah and Duke arc up the welder the power dips and sometimes we even get blackouts. The only way we'd get over this is if we had 3-phase power all the way to the Tree House and that would be a nice give away to the authorities wouldn't it.
Our current power was generators running on biodiesel or ethanol. Princess Leah managed to get a few good crops of corn or canola in every year and I manufactured the fuel in the Labia.
Anyway back to the welding. I thought it was time the girls finished the welding and griding and came upstairs for a beveridge or five. The sunset is beautiful as the Tree House deck overlooks the jungle.
I went downstairs and could not believe what I saw. Princess Leah and Duke had turned the Pantser into a bulldozer. I said "what the phark are you pair doing?". Holy shit these modifications have not been designed by Lamb, will not have a compliance certificate and therefore be unwarrantable, are not covered by our current lease or insurance agreements and basically are just ridiculous.
"If we wanted a bulldozer we'd get a D-12 for $500k and a good lease through Caterpillar. You have just turned an $20M tank into a bulldozer" I said. "Sooriously Lamb is gonna pharkn spew when she sees this" I added.
I had to admit Princess Leah and Duke looked gorgeous when they were all dirty and sweaty. But this was a catastrophe.
"Lukie, you may be upset and you may have a right to be" started Princess.
"The simple fact is we cant get a D12 imported for a few weeks and we need it NOW" said Duke.
"All the modifications are totally reversible and we now have a multi-purpose vehicle" continued Princess Leah. "I know you and Lamb think you need to analyse and assess and approve everything but this is real work, Luke. We don't have time to sit around and think about this for a week".
"And what on earth is the rush on for girls" I said as I tried to hide my anger.
"Well we have Cap'n Dyke, Hahnski, Margo and Starr Ann and maybe some others coming and we have a sourced an absolute motherpharkn vehicle to get us all home" said Duke.
Duke and Princess Leah looked at each other and started laughing madly until they both fell over.
"And what does this have to do with your justification for destroying millions of dollars of property" I said. Duke explained that in order to get approximately 50 blindfolded lesbians back to the Tree House in their new vehicle we would need to carve a path that is wider than anything the vans can get through.
"Whatever" I said. "But you pair better have this thing back to normal within 48 hrs of the ceremony".
I started to walk off when Duke told me to come back. "Let me show you" she said.
We walked around and I looked at everything. I had to admit it looked unbelievable. This pair are talented.
"When Lamb gets back we are going to get her to submit the documents to the patent office" said Duke.
"Then" she continued "this will be a massive money spinner for the Tree House.
"How so?" I asked,suddenly interested.
"Well we heard something very special on the Telegraph Cucumber from Bella and we weren't going to tell you until dinner but here goes" said Duke as she motioned for Princess to tell me.
"The United Nations have just announced that you are to take over the role as chief negotiator for the Middle East and Iraq" said Princess Leah.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Are you tak'n the piss? Because if so it isn't very funny" I said.
"No,no,no" they were saying together whilst running over and starting to lick me like a Chocolate Paddle Pop.
"And how does this make the Panzer/Dozer a profitable enterprise for us?" I asked.
"Well, stooopid, said Duke" laughing like crazy. "we know you'll get all of those hotheads sitting down and they'll all be talking and laughing. Next thing the reconstruction effort will hit top gear and they'll be needing more dozers than Pantsers and they will have to get them modified by us".
I could see her point. I could also see that this would be a big job for Lamb to manage as well.
I said "I dont want to go as that place is sooriously unsafe".
Duke said "Hello?" as if I had missed something.
"We are taking Lamb with us. Nobody messes with a bitch with guns and tits" said Princess Leah.
I told them to get their dirty little hot bodies into the tub. I was cooking dinner and we'd have to discuss how we'd manage telling Lamb about these modifications to the Pantser. This was her pride and joy after she did all of the sourcing, finance and insurance work for it.
The girls ran past me and went straight to write down the new supplies they needed. I went in and ran them a big bubble bath and they jumped in together. Sometimes I feel like they are my kids, not true jungle warriors.
"Well, stooopid, said Duke" laughing like crazy. "we know you'll get all of those hotheads sitting down and they'll all be talking and laughing. Next thing the reconstruction effort will hit top gear and they'll be needing more dozers than Pantsers and they will have to get them modified by us".
I could see her point. I could also see that this would be a big job for Lamb to manage as well.
I said "I dont want to go as that place is sooriously unsafe".
Duke said "Hello?" as if I had missed something.
"We are taking Lamb with us. Nobody messes with a bitch with guns and tits" said Princess Leah.
I told them to get their dirty little hot bodies into the tub. I was cooking dinner and we'd have to discuss how we'd manage telling Lamb about these modifications to the Pantser. This was her pride and joy after she did all of the sourcing, finance and insurance work for it.
The girls ran past me and went straight to write down the new supplies they needed. I went in and ran them a big bubble bath and they jumped in together. Sometimes I feel like they are my kids, not true jungle warriors.
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